One of our favorite things about December is looking back at all the hilarious things that happened around the world in the last twelve months. Asylum has a great list of the 100 Weirdest News Stories Dugg in 2009. If you're bored at home on holiday vacation, this list will provide hours of entertainment.
Here are the top five:
5. Lady, your husband is a sick.......DUDE WTF?!?!?: Worried that a former boyfriend had downloaded child porn onto her computer, Michelle Owens handed the laptop over to police and asked them to search it for illegal images. BIG MISTAKE, as Owens had clearly forgotten that the most incriminating images they would find were two videos of her having sex with a beagle. Even after she was arrested for bestiality, Owens declined to waive the consent she had given cops to search her laptop, still hoping they'd find evidence to bust her ex for something even more heinous.
4. Girl arrested for swearing on 9-1-1 call:
Adrianne Ledesma was understandably upset when she called 911, as her father had just suffered a seizure. After her call to emergency services went unanswered, she dialed the number again, uttering some choice curse words as she did. Sgt. Robert McFarlan, who was manning the 911 desk, heard her F-bombs and admonished the panicked girl -- then hung up without even asking her what the problem was.
After a delay, Ledesma was able to get attention for her father, who turned out to be OK. But, to further her ordeal, McFarlen had Ledesma arrested for abusing 911! Eventually Ledesma got a little bit of justice when McFarlen was suspended two weeks for his outrageous behavior.
3. Man Paid $2500 To Impregnate Neighbors Wife - Fails 72 Times: Being sterile, Demetrius Soupolos was unable to have children with his former beauty-queen wife, Truate. So he paid his neighbor Frank Maus, who looked like him and had a couple kids' worth of proof that his boys could swim, $2,500 to knock up his wife. After 72 sexual encounters over six months failed to put a baby into Truate's belly, Demetrius demanded his neighbor have a medical examination.
Much to both men's surprise, Maus was found to be sterile too. (But not to Maus's wife's surprise -- she was forced to confess she always knew Maus wasn't the real father of their children.) Long story short, Soupolos is suing Maus, and Maus is countering with the always popular "I didn't guarantee contraception, just my best effort over and over again" defense.
2. Why you shouldn't have your boss on Facebook: Who knows what exactly is real or fake when it comes to screenshots of supposed social networking blunders. But Diggers were buying the hilarious gaffe an English office worker made when she posted a Facebook status update that read, "OMG! I HATE MY JOB!! My boss is a total pervy wanker always making me do sh** stuff just to piss me off! WANKER!!"
Of course, the colorful complainer had forgotten she and her boss were Facebook friends. In his response, for all to see, the wanker admonished her for not realizing that he is gay -- and thus probably not really perving on her. Later in his note he unceremoniously made her an unemployed person.
1. Girlfriend's angry emails to her vacationing boyfriend: This self-obsessive girl failed to listen to her boyfriend tell her many, many times that he was soon to go off travelling around Europe. When he leaves and therefore can't reply to her emails, she starts up a hilariously tragic and mildly twisted semi-monologue as this over-zealous nut job fears the worst for her 'relationship'.
For the full list, click here. You can always count on weird news for a laugh.
via Asylum
